Scars

(Based on a true story ... loosely)

Let's start somewhere easy: I don't remember my childhood. Nothing particularly traumatic happened to me: I asked my parents. But others can recall their preschool years, their second grade plays where they dressed like bunnies and ate cake while sitting on plastic seesaws. I look at my elementary pictures and wonder what fourth grade was like.

Ok, so I lied.

I remember a few things, but one thing I can't remember is how I got this scar on my leg. I sit and stare at it as it shines in the moonlight, the lamplight, the sunlight. And I wonder, where did you come from, little scar? Was I bit by a cat? Did I fall out of a tree? Is this the aftermath of trying to pull a 180 turn in a pile of gravel on the asphalt? I don't know. But as I wonder, my thoughts turn to Shayla.

I discovered Shayla quite by accident. She just sort of appears in my memory, riding a bike on a sunny afternoon. The details of our friendship are fuzzy and my mom didn't want me going to her house and my dad didn't want me near her at all and I gave her my favorite doll before she disappeared from my memory. We were friends - fast friends. Our friendship blossomed quickly, and we were bound together forever the day she showed me her scars.

Why did she show me? Maybe I told her about the time I burned my hand on the stove. According to my folks, when I was, oh, three or so, I reached up and placed my tiny hand on a hot burner. Screaming and wailing on both sides ensued, and the next days were spent with my hand bundled and iced and propped on Dad's or Mom's shoulder as I fitfully dozed on their laps.

I bear no memories of this incident, and no scars.

But maybe I told Shayla this story one lazy summer afternoon while we hid from our folks in the lilac grove and dreamed of lives lived in far-off, exotic locations. Maybe that's why, unexpectedly, she took me into her confidence. Maybe that's why.

She said, "You wanna see something?" and then she took off her shirt to show me her frail little eight-year-old chest.

I had no words.

The swirled, twisted, striped texture of her melted skin stretched from her waist to her neck, over her right shoulder. It drizzled down past her right shoulder blade and disappeared into her shorts.

She held out her right arm. "You can touch it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

It felt smooth and wondrous. It felt foreign. Her shoulder was a silken, alien substance.

"Wow," I breathed. I looked back at her eyes. "What happened?"

Sunlight flickered on our faces as the wind rustled through the lilacs and Shayla pulled her shirt back on.

"Well, when I was four, I pulled a pot of hot water off the stove. My mom turned her back for just a sec. I was sick a real long time."

And that was it. No dramatic re-enactment, no emotion, no inflection of any kind.

We never spoke of it again. I never asked any more questions, and so I received no more answers. But they are always here, those scars. Under her shirt and under the lilacs as the sun flickers softly in the shadow.

Happy!

Things that make me happy:
Yes.

Happiness is a choice, you see. Well, maybe not happiness, but joy is. Even when I'm sad, I can be glad. I can be joyful. That's a lesson that my mom taught me a long time ago. Even when life's awful, be glad you can find joy in your life somewhere, even if the only place you can find joy is in the comfort you always will receive from God. His joy always will bring you that promised strength.

So choose joy. Be happy. And remember what a very dear, very smart, very wonderful friend of mine once said to me:

We couldn't have sunbeams if we didn't have clouds.

- Nate Buzdor

-choke- -gasp- -bleargh-

Loathe
this
time
of
year
when
teaching.

Ugh!

Revive me in 2 weeks.



(Until then, keep praying for Jill and girls, especially Alexa!)

I am so not totally unappreciative, people!

I want to take this time to say thank you to those of you who nominated me for awards and what not for my little corner of the bloggy world. (even to those of you who nominated me with a statement similar to, "Look, I know you don't really get into these things, but....) It's not that I've been ignoring you, but I often just don't have the time, and with this heart thing now, I often don't have the energy, either. So, here are the awards that I remember winning... if I missed one from you, please let me know!

There's quite a few, so thanks in advance for your endurance. :)

FIRST! The coveted Zombie Chicken award. (This one I really, really wanted, so....YAY!) "The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken - excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all…" This award came from Clara (aka my mom), so I can't give it back to her. (That would be rude!) Here are five other bloggers for whom I would brave a pack of zombie chickens:

1. Liz at A Mom on Spin
2. Mark at ...sez Mark
3. Erica at Much Ado About Nothing
   
4. El at Profoundly Seth
5. Conversations With a Cupcake

SECOND! From Vanilla over at String Too Short to Tie, I received the 2009 Friendly Blogger award. (Thanks, V!) No restrictions seem to be attached to how this gets distributed, and I must say that I'm hard pressed to pick who's the friendliest.... hmmmm. I guess I will pass this on to my friendly friends... hmmmm. Ok. You, you, you..... and you. All for you, my friendliest of friends! (You know who you are, so grab that award and put it on your blog!)


THIRD! Next comes the Marie Antionette Award for courage from Clara (aka Mom). (My mom likes to give me awards, btw, and I'm Ok with that. You'd be spoiled, too, if you were an only child.)

The tag line for this award reads, "Queen Marie Antoinette is the epitome of a real, fun, fearless woman who is never afraid of getting what she wants.” This is an award for courageousness, not selfishness, though. My mom has some interesting info about the real Marie on her blog, if you're interested.

So what do you want? Are your motives pure? Then you could be one of the seven nominated for this award. Why seven? Who knows? Here are my recipient selections for this courage award:

1. Meaghan of I Kicked Cancer's Ass. Meaghan fought off cancer, went back to law school, and is in the midst of surgery recovery. (Go wish her well!) She uses her web sites (she sells yummy coffee, too!) to raise funds and cancer awareness and to bring aid to others in the midst of their battles. She's a brave, positive person with no fear when it comes to facing down prejudice against those with cervical cancer.
2. Jill of Jill's Believe it or Not. Jill's last post details the medical issues her daughters are facing and she's not feeling so great herself. What does Jill want? Answers. Will she get them? You bet. She's also a very fun person. (CAW!!!) It was great to meet her out here in the blogiverse.
3. Jen at Cake Wrecks definitely deserves this award, too. Now her great battle is against the bad cake makers in the world, and I truly hope she wins, but I can't help asking myself what will keep me entertained if she does. She's fun and fearless, posting all kinds of craziness on her site. She also shows us the good side of cakes every Sunday. Thanks, Jen.
4. Mama Kat over at Mama's Losin' It. Mama Kat has been braving the new world of gluten-free living due to her kids' recently diagnosed gluten allergy. She's been chronicling their (mis)adventures on Allergies Shmallergies. She wants what we all want: happy kids and a crazy good time.
   
5. Liz again! Anybody who can survive all the craziness of teenage girls and rampaging priests (can I say that?!) and still be quirky and great and funny deserves as many awards as I can get my hands on.
6. Ummmmmm..... I am out of ideas. I guess I'll stop at five.
7. Tada! I made it to 7!
   

FOURTH! (and this one is from Mid-March!) comes the "Friends" blogger award from Uncle Chuck at Secondary Roads.

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.” (Eight?!? I neep a nap. Also, I'm pretty sure whoever created this award is somewhat of an attention leech. "cleverly-written text"? Really?!)

This'll be fairly easy. Kind bloggers who don't toot their own horns. Easy.

1. Shanda
2. Melissa
3. Jill
4. Erica
   
5. Rachelle - Ok, so she is a book agent, but she's so writer-centered and awesome!
6. Stephanie
7. K
8. Kiki
   

My goodness, but this has turned into an epic post! I hope that everybody enjoys the awards that I have bestowed upon them in turn, and I promise to (try to) stay more on top of my acknowledgement and thankfullness in regards to bloggy awards.


Thanks, everybody!


PS. Another one from Secondary Roads just came in! ...but I'm tired! It's gonna have to wait. I hope you enjoy checking out all of these fine folks!

100th Post Celebratory Bonanza

Whee. The end.


***************************************

Just kidding. In all honesty, that WAS going to be my post. It really was, but then I found out about El's and John's Profound Picture Prize Giveaway to support some good charities, to honor the memory of their stillborn son Eli, and to help raise funds for their son Seth's cochlear implants. Their little Seth is the adorabl-est!

(Isn't he SO cute?)

For a $10 donation, you'll be entered in a raffle for this package:

• A Nikon or Canon SLR Camera
• A 4Gb Memory Card
• Camera Strap
• Photo Bag
• Adobe Photoshop Elements 7
• A 12x18 canvas print from IPrintCanvas

The two charities which will be benefiting from this raffle are Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep and Rhyan's Hope. You can find out more about the giveaway and these charities at El's blog Profoundly Seth.

Sledding

First off, I have to give a shout out to my buddy Erica for her first(?) sledding go-round. She's from Louisiana and was super excited about sledding and snow and everything. She told me - a bit sheepishly - that she had to use a laundry basket because there was nowhere to buy a sled, but I find no shame in that. Around here, I've seen sleds, toboggans, sheets of cardboard in bags, inner tubes, trashcan lids, all kinds of things. I say, who cares? If it slides, it's good!

Here are a couple more pics and videos of our sledding adventures. Enjoy!

Video of Jimmy and Annie trying out a new jump.

Video of a toboggan run from the front "seat".

Oh, how I miss you.

I was teaching today... BUT instead of being focused, my brain was elsewhere.

My current position was suddenly, surprisingly considered for elimination this week.

On Sunday, an article was published in our local paper: the School Board was considering the elimination of Commonwealth Governor's School. I just transferred to CGS in October. There was no warning, no discussion, no hint of this possibility to the students, teachers, or the board of CGS. Just an article in the paper stating that on Tuesday, the School Board would vote on whether or not to keep CGS for the 09-10 school year.

On Monday, there was nothing short of uproar in all CGS classes. That afternoon, a letter arrived from the superintendent claiming that the paper was wrong in its reporting, and that his intention was simply to renegotiate the contract, but the language in the resolution didn't really seem to match up with his letter.

On Tuesday, there was a second article in the newspaper. This article was about the Spotsylvania County School Board meeting (one of the other counties involved in CGS). Their school board drafted a request to our school board to ask Stafford to keep CGS. Tuesday evening, the board room was packed. The meeting started at 7, and the board heard testimony from about 50 people. Shortly after 11, they cast their votes. CGS gets to stay.

Today, I was busy. Super super busy. And the students were wound up -- several of the seniors said that they wished they still had college essays to write so that this experience could be their "pivitol moment". The teachers were finally relaxed, even a little giddy, after the scare. It's not that we would have been out of a job entirely (most likely), but we would have had to change programs. No one wanted that.

I did a lot of personal reflection these last few days, and I found myself a bit homesick.

I miss the pile of friends (peers and students) at North. I was stressed, and I realized that they were always there for me. The kids would even ask what was bothering me sometimes. I miss that. Even though my friends at CGS were going through the same thing, even though we all were stressing together, it just wasn't the same.

I miss you, North. I love my new job, my new peers, and my new students, but I miss you.

Hi, John!

Time for installment 2 of this irregularly serial series! Time to meet another influential person from my life. Today's person: John.


John was my first love. (The first that I remember, anyway.)

I don't know his last name, but we went to church together at the Bible Baptist Church in Leslie. Here it is:

There are two things that I remember about John. One is that we went to church together. The other is that he liked spinach. (Who wouldn't love him, right?)

I don't know why I liked John. I don't know if he was nice, cute, polite, or any combination thereof. I just know we were in Sunday School together and he liked spinach. I know this because our Sunday School class had a party, and I took a can of spinach FOR THE PARTY because it was John's favorite.

That's dedication right there, people. Dedication. Devotion. Obsession, perhaps.

Well, that's my entire memory of John. So why does he make the list? Because that memory tells me something about myself. I was willing to do something for someone I -ahem- "loved" even though it almost surely meant that I would be ridiculed. Why? Because others' happiness is important! And if I can make someone else happy, I sure am going to try to do it.

So thanks, John. Thanks for waking that up in me. I owe you one.

It was great! I almost died!

(No, I am NOT preoccupied with death.)


Today is Sunday. Today is the day I get to go to church and be with all my little lovely kids. It's been a little quiet there the last few weeks through the holidays. We have a fairly young church group, so many, many people go away to visit moms and dads and families. They go home.

Some of them also go on trips or vacations, of course, like WE did last year (Disney Christmas 2007!).

One of the families at our church came back from a cruise this week, and their darling daughter bounced up to the Kids Church table to pick up her name tag and announced, "I went on a cruise!"

"And how was it? Was it fun?" I asked her.

"It was great!" she was bouncing up and down. "I almost died! There was this wave, and it tackled me!"

Mom smiled (a smile I can TOTALLY empathize with, by the way) and said, "Yes, we had our own personal life guard at the beach...." I smiled back.

I heard that story twice more that day as the little girl told others at church about it. She's so cute!

Why I can empathize: My lovely son.

Water is not really his best friend, but he thinks it is. He has nearly drowned so many times that I have lost count. We bought floaties. It didn't help. We went in with him. It didn't help. We taught him to swim. It didn't help.

I'm not exaggerating! It's happened so many times, in so many places, under the supervision of so many different people, that it's become a family joke: "It's not vacation if Jimmy doesn't drown."

Because, you see, Jimmy didn't come home when he was littler and say, "I almost died," like the little girl from church did. He would come home and say, "Guess what? I drowned on vacation! Twice! The lifeguard had to jump in once, but once he wasn't there, and then insert family member's name here told me that maybe I'd better just sit in the baby pool, but that wasn't any fun. Next time, I'm going to go in the DEEP end!"

--sigh--

The last time he drowned, he had gone to a friend's house. That friend took him to another friend's to go swimming. He pulled his regular I-can-swim-so-it's-ok-then-I-drown routine. Enter friend's mom's panic attack at nearly killing the pastor's kid. His response? "Don't worry, Mrs. ___, I drown all the time. Mom's used to it."

--sigh--

I remember when he was afraid of the water. Those were good days.

Wow. I'm famous.

Check it out, guests and followers! I got my first guest appearance invite over at One Weigh at a Time. Ciara and Clara (aka Mommy!) run the website, and they invited me over to share some of my story.

Go and check it out, sillies! Hope you like it.

Christmas with Celiac #7 - The Christmas Party

I love my friends. I have really really great friends. I am now going to talk about my friends. Remember, I love my friends.



I went to my first Christmas party last weekend. We had food, there was music, we did the white elephant exchange game, we had food, we made fun of each other, there was this great punch, and did I mention the food? I love food. I shamelessly ate most of the shrimp. Twice.

What's great: I had plenty to eat. What's not great: There were three tables of food, and only five things I could eat:

A cream cheese and cranberry cookie topping, sans cookie (foreground)
A bowl of kisses and Snickers (background)

A chicken salad for sandwiches, sans sandwich (foreground)
Some tasty shrimp (not pictured)

and the stuff I brought: yogurt and granola

I didn't take a picture of the third table: it was just baked goods. It was pretty easy to pick out what I could eat; I only had to ask for ingredients on a few things. I ended up with a nice plateful of food, and was very happy with it. Sure I wanted to eat everything else, too, but like I said, I shamelessly loaded up on the shrimp! (Twice!)

Note to self: yogurt on a plate does not photograph well! (Sorry 'bout that!)

The hardest part of the night was listening to the comments people made when (a) they saw what I brought or (b) I asked for ingredients. Here are some of the things I overheard:

• Yogurt? Yeah, it's Christmas! Let's eat healthy! (sarcastic laugh)
• Man, I would hate to have to figure out what I couldn't eat.
• Who brings yogurt to a party?
• What a pain. I'm glad I don't have any food restrictions!

None of these comments were directed at me. When I asked for ingredients, the lists were happily given, but you know how you always chatter when you're at a buffet? No one talked to me this time. So, I felt uncomfortable, and conspicuous. So I waited until everyone was done, just stayed out of the way, and then got my food and went and sat down.

It was weird. (Don't forget - I love my friends!)

Once I was seated with my plate, it was totally normal, sorta. It helped that I sat with close friends, ones who know that I can't eat the yummy gluten-filled holiday goodies, but we still ended up talking about it.

I felt defined by the food missing from my plate.

It was weird.

The party was fun. I got brass candlesticks. I ate a pile of shrimp and yogurt. (Not at the same time! Ew) I hung out with my buddies. I took home my yogurt and granola and ate it every day for lunch this week. And thought about Christmas. I love Christmas. And I love my friends.

Time out for Lemonade!

While I was sitting on the couch grousing and pouting, I decided to check my blog comments, and found that I've been given this award:
Clara (aka my mom) over at Coming Back to Life gave me this award for "showing gratitude or a good attitude (from 'if life hands you lemons, make lemonade')! " I kid you not.

The Irony, oh! The unlimited, hateful irony! gah! Poetic justice, too, perhaps? After all here are a few of my favorite "If life hands you lemons" quotes:

• If life hands you lemons, make grape juice. Then, sit back and let 'em wonder how you did it.
• If life hands you lemons, throw them back and ask for chocolate.
• If life hands you lemons, stick 'em in your bra and be glad it's better than nothin'!
• Since when are people just randomly handed lemons?
• If life hands you lemons, chuck them at people. Survival of the fittest, baby.
• If life hands you lemons, make tea!
• If life hands you lemons, just shut up and eat the damn lemons.
  

And, perhaps my all-time favorite:

• I AM SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY LEMONS!!!!!!!!!!!

So on this cranky evening when I am wet from turning on the shower by accident and itchy from fiberglass shavings under my skin, when I am mad because my house was put together oddly by thrifty do-it-yourselfers and now that it's breaking I can't do it myself, too, when I wish my husband could cook, when I wish my kids could cook, when I wish fast food didn't taste like the packaging it comes in, I am happy.


I am happy because even though one bathroom is broke, I have another one (and a half!)



I am happy because there are three Christmas trees in my house. Some of them are messily decorated, and that's Ok.



I am happy because I get to decorate this year, because I feel like decorating this year, and because I actually managed to find almost all of my decorations for this year.



I am happy because my family loves me, even when I cut holes in the wall that I can't really fix. Even when I burn dinner. Even when I lose my temper because of something I myself did. Even when I pout on the new couch while wearing a wet t-shirt.


I am happy because I have the bestest husband ever, who probably will read this and be SO proud of me for using the word "bestest" on my blog.





I am happy because I have a son who is old enough to learn what it means to be a man, but young enough to snuggle and just hang out.





I am happy because said son is very happy to spend his chore time cleaning the toilets so I don't have to. And happy to mop. He loves to mop.





I am happy to have a daughter who does stuff like this.



I am happy to have a daughter who is just like me, who knows she is just like me, and is quite content - if not downright proud - to be just like me.










I am happy to have this dog. (Who wouldn't be?)







Finally, I am happy to have others who inspire me and show me the way when it comes to peace and contentment in a life made complete in Christ. I don't have 10 blogs to recommend as the award stipulates, but I will do my best to follow the rules, which are as follows:

• Put the logo on your blog or post.
• Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!
• Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
• Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
• Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.

My nominees are:

1. Shanda at A Teachable Heart - A down-to-earth, honest, woman of integrity who never fails to have some amazing wisdom to share. Also a friend from the real world who I have seen move through adversity with grace and strength.
2. Joy at News From Joy - my sister-in-law. Although our boys are the same age, they've had very different paths through life. In dealing with her son's disabilities, illnesses, and surgeries, she has managed to stay positive and faithful.
3. Megan at I Kicked Cancer's Ass - a new acquaintance out here in the virtual world, Megan blogs about fighting through cancer and the stigmas associated with a cervical cancer diagnosis. She also has just finished college and runs benefits for other fighting cancer.
4. Just Say Julie at Keeping up with the Chreste's - another newly found blogger who is cheerful and fun to read, too.
5. Melissa at A Mom Like You - A wonderful friend, Melissa now has a blog, too! She is an amazing mom and a spiritually strong woman. She is kind and intelligent and just all around fabulous. Melissa has taken her mothering advice to the web with this blog and the virtual world is lucky to have her!