I have an ear full of spiders, and I think I'm going to die.

A couple of days ago, I started hearing little popping sounds in my ear. I didn't think anything of it... at first. Then it started to get achy. Then it started popping a lot.

Today it hurts more, it pops more, and the left side of my head has definitely gained weight.

I "officially" have a case of spiders.

What do you mean, I'm paranoid? You're not paranoid enough, is what YOU mean. Haven't you heard of Albany, Oregon's, Jesse Courtney?

From the Chicago Sun: "What began as a faint popping in a 9-year-old boy's ear -- 'like Rice Krispies' -- ended up as an earache, and the doctor's diagnosis was that a pair of spiders made a home in the ear.

'They were walking on my eardrums,' Jesse Courtney said."

Still don't believe me? Meet Jesse:




Who's paranoid now?! Good luck thinking of anything else next time YOUR ear starts popping.

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UPDATE: All right, you nervous nellies! I guess I overdid it on the paranoia level. I don't REALLY have spiders in my ear. I just couldn't get that kid's story out of my head with my eardrum popping from the congestion in my noggin. (Thank you for your concern. You can stop emailing me now. I love you, too.)

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UPDATE 2: FYI, you who are squeamish, the video is a TV news interview of Jessie. He's playing video games and answering the reporter's questions. He does have the spiders in a little specimen jar, but they're dead.