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Monday, January 5, 2009

Of Stupid Dogs and Headaches

Today, I had a Headache. It was not quite a migraine, as it responded to the Alieve that I took, but still worthy of a capital H.

You know those Headaches: they're the ones that color the rest of the events of your day. It's never a pleasant color either, nothing sweet like "Prince Purple" or "Periwinkle" or "Puce". No, it's more like "Parsnip" or "Puke". Yup.

Where was I?

Oh, yes, my dog puked on the floor today. Twice. Because she's dumb. Not sick, just stupid. Apparently she chewed on a bone until it splintered, then ate the splinters, then ate a pine tree branch, then ate a few rocks (maybe she thought she was a chicken?). How do I know this? Because my canine mulch making machine left me a pile of it. Twice.

I love my stupid, stick eating dog Bill. She's the best.

So where was I?

Oh, yes. So when your dogs are dumb and irritating, AND you've a Headache, AND the garbage men refuse to change their schedules to match your Headache's whims, life is blech-y. Tomorrow is garbage day, and the tree must go. I have a Headache. Jim (ever-loving husband, for you new readers - welcome!) has a Headache and a half. The tree must go.

So.... we pile the ornaments in a sheet to contain the glitter, bundle it up, and put them in a chair. We detatch the tree stand and take the tree outside to remove the lights. We unwind maybe a third of one strand, look at each other, and I say, "You know, we could always buy new lights next year...." (I couldn't believe I said it. Me! The queen of don't throw that away! I can use it for ... uh ... something!)

"No! We just bought these."

"Ok. Well, here, unwind some more."

We try. The cord gets stuck. He pulls. I pull. We figure out it's wrapped on a branch somewhere, but we're both wearing gloves because the tree is so darn dry and pokey, and we can't figure it out. Our eyes meet over the tree again. "You know..." he starts.

"Yeah," I said.

We took the tree to the curb. I sheepishly tried to tuck some of the lights back in so maybe the garbage guys won't notice tomorrow that the lights are still there.

--sigh-- I need another Alieve.

19 comments:

Losing Myself said...

Headaches are the worst! I'd rather cut off my arm than have a headache! (this said after suffering for 3 months with one before breaking down and going to the dr.) Hope yours is better tomorrow.

LORI said...

I CAN SO SYMPATHIZE WITH THE HEADACHE THING. THE BEST PART IS WHEN YOU GET TO BE AROUND A TON OF TALKING KIDS. OR PEOPLE. JUST KIDDING! SORRY YOUR ROCK-CHEWING, STICK-EATING, MORON OF A DOG BARFED EVERYWHERE, THAT WAS PROBABLY SUPER FUN TO CLEAN UP. WITH A HEADACHE. AS FOR THE LIGHTS, YOU CAN PROBABLY GET SOME ALREADY IN THE BOX, READY FOR NEXT YEAR, FOR 90% OFF ANYWHERE IN TOWN! THANKS FOR STOPPING BY MY BLOG!

LORI said...

SSSHHHHH.....I'M FOLLOWING YOU!

Random Hiccups said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day! Your blog is super cute too! :)

I have a problem with migraines as well. I have found that certain things trigger them and when I eat highly processed foods or smell certain perfumes I get a visit from my wormy friend that blurs my vision. Mr Worm from my imagination stares at me until the pain become too debilitatng to keep my eyes open. I feel your pain!

Hope you feel better soon!

Have a wonderful day!

Jill said...

I suffer from headaches and I hate them! They are the worst.

As for the lights on the tree it made me lol because a couple of years ago I did the same thing and I think a couple of ornaments went with it! :)

Chuck Hutchinson said...

I used to have terrible headaches on Sunday afternoons. Debilitating. Finally, your mother told about her allergy to chicken. It took some time for me to realize that it was chicken that triggered my episodes. (Turkey is even worse.) It may take nearly and hour for the symptoms to develop, so I had never seen the relationship. I hope you're doing better today.

Today is Epiphany -- the twelfth day of Christmas -- also known as "three kings day." We'll be taking down the decorations tomorrow.

Mikki Black said...

The garbage man wouldn't wait for Epiphany, either.

:(

Thanks for all your encouragement folks! I am definitely feeling better today.

momma said...

ooh! i had so much trouble getting our tree up and lit this year, i still haven't taken it down yet. maybe soon . . . .

(stopping by from sits)

AndreaLeigh said...

lights are so cheap; you can replace them easily. I woudl have done the same thing!

Mark said...

Puke is a color? That gives new meaning to the idea that color is a matter of personal taste.

My wife is from the "lights are so cheap" fraternity too. Which explains why I unearthed within the last week two separate stashes of brand new Christmas lights. Enh.

Lalapoo said...

Mmm... you are giving me a great idea to take care of our still decorated tree in the living room.. I just can't get myself to undo all this!
Pat

Lindsey said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I saw on your profile that you are an English teacher! I am finishing up my English degree. I hope to teach High School English one day! How fun!

vanilla said...

What I really think?
Dismantling Christmas decor and cleaning up after doggie while suffering an excruciating Headache? Seems like a description of the afterlife on the wrong side.
Get well. But you have forgotten the old maxim, Use it up; wear it out; make it do, or do without!
(Wife hates when I say that.)

Ashley said...

Oh my goodness! This is hilarious! I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time for garbage men to see the lights still hanging from the tree. Haha! Hope your Headache has gone away.

Thanks for stopping by. Love your writing! I'll definitely be back!

tara @ kidz said...

LOL. I might need an Aleve after that too! Hope your headache gets better and your dog gets better!

Aunt Spicy said...

So sorry about your headache...but just had to smile at your story! Hope you are feeling better!

Your SITS friend!

ConversationsWithACupcake said...

Ok. I love Christmas. But taking it down? Arrgh.

You're a great writer, though, and it made your recounting absolutely wondrously hilariously sad.

And...THANK YOU for stopping by my blog! I'm so glad to have you visit {and to have you along as a follower!}

Happy New Year! Happy Alieve!

franklin said...

Is it just me or is it disgusting that your calling your pet stupid and dumb!!!!!!! Maybe if his owner watched him better or paid more attention to him that wouldn't have happen. The reason he ate the tree and rock it to try and get the bone to pass through his system because he was probably in pain. Vomiting is how he was getting relief. You should try having more compassion for your pet, or don't be a pet owner!!!!!

Mikki Black said...

Take a deep breath, Franklin! It's called "satire". OBVIOUSLY Bill was having a problem.

Considering the fact that her first owners didn't care for her at all, and the fact that she barely even looked like a rottie due to malnutrition and mistreatment, and the fact that when we adopted her she was full grown and weighed 45 pounds, and the fact that we have nursed her back to health and given her a prosperous happy life complete with a puppy for her to play with, and the fact that I said that I love her, and the fact that she eats sticks and rocks for the fun of it ALL THE TIME, and the fact that I am willing do defend her, I think you should be able to agree that she is cared for just fine.

I would tell you this to your virtual face, but you are one of those lovely people who wander the web in the attempt to spread the "joy" of being malcontent. Therefore, you have no blog of your own, no contact info, no photo, no profile at all. You are a drive-by poster. Well, guess what? Stupidity doesn't hurt the people who can stand in the strength of their own character without hiding.

I hope that this reply is worded simply enough for you to understand it.

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