An open letter to the manufacturers of Peeps brand treats

Dear Just Born, Inc.:

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!
(ahem, excuse me)


I was so super excited when, trolling through Target, I came across these pink speckled, peppermint Peeps. I love Peeps! I love peppermint! I love Christmas stars! I love treats that are gluten-free! I love marshmallows!

I hate these.

And by hate, I mean: (plug your ears, kids) these are the stupidest excuse for a candy since the candy cigarette, which at the very least tasted good.

"Mmm! Here, honey, have a Listerine breath-strip flavored candy star!" Bleagh.

I made myself eat a whole one. I thought, These can't be bad! After all, I love Peeps! I love peppermint! I love Christmas stars! I love treats that are gluten-free! I love marshmallows! These just can't be bad! But, bite after bite, they were bad. And then, I got a real, super minty bite. And gagged on it. I would like to take this moment to point out that I have no gag reflex. None! It astounded the doctors when I was little (ask my mom!). These candies made me gag.

Then I thought, Maybe it's just me. My daughter loves peppermint candies. I'll give her one. So I did. She spit it out in the trash and ran for a drink of water. I kid you not, RAN.

Then I thought, Maybe it's just us. They're Peeps after all, and I love Peeps! I love love love Peeps! They can't be bad. So I gave one to my son. My sugar-craving, 9-year-old, I-don't-care-if-it-fell-on-the-floor-and-got-licked-by-the-dog-it's-still-candy-and-I-want-it! son.

He took a bite.
We waited.
He rolled it around on his tongue.
We waited.
He took a second bite.
We waited.

"Well!?!" we screamed.

"These are really bad," he said, and took another bite. "They kinda remind me of those little plastic things you eat to make your breath smell better."

I give up. If she won't eat them, and even he thinks they're like those breath strips, it's not just me.

BUT!!!! Please, Just Born, don't give up on the peppermint Peeps! I love Peeps! I will faithfully buy all types of Peeps except these horrible monstrosities that you have created. I'm sure it was by accident. I'm sure you've fired those responsible. I'm sure any day now that you'll issue a recall and then I will be glad that I just can't seem to bring myself to throw them out. I'm sure you'll do better next year. Right? Right!?

I am so, so disappointed in you.

Your faithful Peep lover extraordinaire,
Mikki